Writing your own vows is so personal, heartfelt, and let’s face it… scary! The thought sends some into a panic–writer’s block is real, especially when it comes to something so important. The bottom line is that both of you want your words to be as perfect as possible. But how do you fit so much emotion and so many thoughts in a compact yet impactful way? We have some tips that may just help you out.
First, keep in mind that your vows shouldn’t be a book–they should take only a few minutes to read, a few pages. There are lots of ways to go here–some prefer a very romantic, sentimental approach, while others may throw in a bit of humor. The biggest question we hear is: How do I even get started? Simple! Begin by jotting down the answers to the questions below:
- When and where did you meet?
- What were your first impressions of him or her?
- What was going on in your life when you met each other?
- Where was your first date? How did it go?
- Who asked who out first? What attracted you to say yes or ask?
- At what moment did you realize you were in love? Describe the feeling, the place, what went through your mind, etc.
- What inspires you about your soon to be spouse?
- What quirky characteristics do you love most about him or her?
- What life goals and dreams do you share for your future together?
- What life lessons, serious or funny, have you learned from each other?
- What is it about your love for him or her that is unique?
- How has he or she changed your views on the world?
- What are some special moments in your relationship? Use them all--sad, bad, happy or comical.
- Where and how did he or she propose?
- How did the proposal make you feel?
- What do you most look forward to in the future with this person? Where do you see yourselves as a couple?
Yes, it’s a lot of questions! But, you might be surprised at what thoughts and feelings they might ignite. Use these answers to try and write a draft. Don’t worry if it seems long, as you can edit that down (and don’t be afraid to ask for opinions and advice from a trusted loved one). We suggest trying to include the following:
- A promise -- Vows ARE promises, so this is a big one. You can personalize this promise and add some humor (“I promise to always hog the blanket.”) Or, keep it sentimental (“I promise to always have your back.”) Or, do a few promises--most importantly, keep it heartfelt and true.
- A memory--Keep the story short, but think about a very special memory the two of you share and go from there. This can be a funny moment or a tear-jerking moment--what comes to mind first?
- A future scenario--Where do you see yourselves as time goes on? (Sitting on the beach, holding hands and watching the sunset? Perhaps with your children and nine pets?) Painting this picture is a beautiful way to say, “You’re the ONE.”
It’s certain at some point during the vow writing process that you will feel overwhelmed. That’s totally normal, so you MUST be patient. It’s so easy to feel that what you have written is not good enough (trust us, it will be!) Take your time and write several drafts if need be. As you edit, over time, they will form into the perfect words, for your perfect day, for your perfect person.